Sludge Town

Valentines poems


Period is red,
Haemorrhoids are blue,
Rim me, you fuck,
I dare you.

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Your eyes are sweetcorn,
I sculpted you from poo.

Roses are sharp,
Violets are blunt,
Don't like penis?
Mine unfurls into a cunt.

Roses are pretty,
So's Japanese knotweed,
Milk my ovipositor,
Grease my egghole with your seed.

Roses are lovely,
Violets are great,
Can I fist your bumpipe,
And tickle your prostate?

Butts are pert,
Nuts are pendulous,
May I see yours?
I'm sure they're just tremendous!

My computer has Windows,
My windows have pelmets,
If you were Daft Punk,
I'd polish your helmets.

Pancakes are round,
Waffles are square,
Would you like my syrup,
In your pubic hair?

A gentleman horse is a stallion,
A lady horse a filly,
Ignore the 'neigh'-sayers,
Between my legs I've a horse's willy.

Roses are spiky,
Sundews are sticky,
Your pubes are still in my teeth,
And extraction's proving tricky.

Roses are red,
Ivy is twisted,
Bend over my dear,
If you want to get fisted.

Kangaroos have three minges,
Nestled their legs between.
I hope you don't have trypophobia,
Because I've got thirteen!

Superman is very strong,
Batman's very rich,
But we'll be more like Spiderman,
'Cos we'll have sticky wrists.

Dubstep goes wub,
Techno goes unts,
Drop four on the floor,
And synthpop my cunts.

Roses are boring,
Violets are silly.
Wouldn't you prefer,
A go on my willy?

Tarantulas are whimsical,
Harvestmen are daft,
Let's jam your spider,
On my mitten shaft.

Romance is fun,
Heteronormativity sucks,
Whether you've pork sword or spam purse,
We can still fuck.

Jamrags have wings,
Tampons have strings,
Why don't you pull mine out,
And earn your red wings?

Cats are fairly apathetic,
Dogs have more elan,
But as animals can't consent,
We'll have to invite your gran.

Roses are red,
Chop Chop Master Onion's green,
If you were a sexy allium man,
We could do something obscene.

Humans have fleshy quims,
Robot ones are made of tin,
I'm a cyborg,
So you can choose which to stick it in.

Peppers are spicy,
Cucumbers need lube,
So just jam this radish,
Up my mutton tube.

My cervix is gushing blood,
My bumhole's got the trots,
You can still go down on me,
Just be sure to dodge the clots.

Bumming is fun,
But without a condom is silly,
AAARGH ARRGH,
I'VE GOT POO ON MY WILLY

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