Sludge Town

Limericks


There once was a man from Queens
Who really was an absolute peen.
His name's Donny Trump
He's a massive cuntpump
And I'm gonna stamp on his spleen.

I put my winky up a lady
Because it looked so cool and shady.
I beat the summer heat
By slipping my hot meat
Up a corpse so cold and degrade-y.

There once was a man called Fry
Who said one day with a sigh:
I'm pals with Dorks and his honey
Only cunts find me funny
I hope someone shits in my eye.

I've got twelve, not one, willy
And it looks rather silly.
I have to sit on cold tiles
And risk getting piles
'Cos my pants only fit when it's chilly.

There once was a nation called Britain
Whose numerous problems were shit-ton.
Our home makes us puke
We long for a nuke
Or a 2080-foot kitten.

My scrotum did fall off
As I hacked up a cough.
They sewed it back on
I said 'tres bon!'
It redetached, I just said 'bof'.

There once was a man called West
Whose hoop had an ammonia zest.
He said in a tweet
He was forced to delete
His snapper was thoroughly messed.

There once was a man called Camer-in,
A worse PM than a tamar-in.
Stuck his knob up a boar
Fucked over the poor
And his head we should hammer-in.

There once was a man called Harvey
Who was a singer and pop star-vey.
He ate a baked spud
But three was a dud
And he vomited under his car-vey.

My ballsack's entangled.
I wanted it spangled
So a machine I created
To get electroplated
And now my scrotum is mangled.

I flew abroad on RyanAir
Happy to find such a low fare.
But to my great dismay
I still had to pay
They charge for not shitting in your hair.

I give sausage to my cat
Every Tuesday night, stat.
Then I forgot (oh so silly)
The cat ate my willy
And now my scrote is missing its hat.

I saw Clarkson in the street
What a chance – what a treat!
Under motor car
Went the TV star
For my tea, sausage meat.

During the month of Janus
The inclement weather was heinous.
To my neighbour I told
That my rectum was cold
So he offered to spunk up my anus.

I've three bums for doing poo
(Of course, I've a specialist loo).
I've five cunts in front of me,
I know three are for wee,
I don't know what the other two do.

Save money, my bank pleads
So I sought frugal leads.
My reluctance to pay
Caused rectal dismay:
Frozen meatballs don't make good anal beads.

The city's paralysed with fear,
The sky's brown from horizon to here.
Stay in and hide
Don't venture outside
'Cos Superman's got diarrhoea.

My holes are good for storing salad in.
Vegetables ensconced within:
I've radishes in my ear
A carrot up my rear
And a beetroot in my foreskin.

Her skin was like gossamer
And time made her flesh softener.
I dug up your mum
And rimmed her wormy bum.
Is there a problem, officer?

Ganymede completely appalls
And Ceres is worst above all.
Asteroids are poo
Let's nuke them from view
And the Moon basically sucks balls.

My favourite orifice is my ring
It's really a marvellous thing.
It dispenses logs
And croaks like a frog
And stops the bathwater ent'ring.

Some presenters aren't good
And replace them we should.
With Galetti or Pascale
Replace them we shall.
Shit off, Paul Hollywood.

My mog is an awful beast
And I aim to make it deceased.
Bye bye cat
Splat, take that
You won't be missed in the least.

Who's this man who stinks of jizz?
Piss-soaked pants that foam and fizz
Shoes like dead pigs' noses
Bum fulla trichinosis
That's your dad, that is.

For sexy times I went on a hunt
I needed some slap, tickle and grunt.
I shagged your mum
In the front and the bum
And stuffed a dead sheep up my cunt.

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