Sludge Town

50 ways to lose your leggy


Inspired by Paul Simon's 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover.

The problem is all inside your head, she said to me
The answer is easy if you take it logically
I'd like to help you in your struggle to be free
There must be fifty ways to lose your leggy!

Get it stuck in a silo, Milo
Punt a tiger that's stroppy, Poppy
Twist it in a helix, Felix
Jump in a hay-baler, Layla
Stick it in a mower, Noah
Shoot it with a cannon, Shannon
Swim in shark-infested sea, Lee
Kick it through a wall, Paul
Chop it with an axe, Max
Poke it out the airlock, Sherlock
There must be fifty ways to lose your leggy!

The problem is all inside your head, she said to me
The answer is easy if you take it logically
I'd like to help you in your struggle to be free
There must be fifty ways to lose your leggy!

Get a beast that maims, James
Chop a machete, Betty
Trip a combine harvester, Alastair
Stick to a train with glue, Sue
Crush it all flat, Matt
Yank a steel cable, Mabel
Feed it to a lion, Brian
Roll it under a bus, Gus
Hire some bazookas, Lucas
Stab it with an assegai, Guy
There must be fifty ways to lose your leggy!

The problem is all inside your head, she said to me
The answer is easy if you take it logically
I'd like to help you in your struggle to be free
There must be fifty ways to lose your leggy!

Crush it in a vice, Bryce
Get sliced by a bobsleigh, Mae
Make it well hammered, Mohammed
Find something that'll impale, Gail
Blend it down to juice, Bruce
Rile up a bear, Claire
Tackle a motorbike, Mike
Slice it with a kukri, Marie
Jump into a gorge, George
Grab that icepick, Rick
There must be fifty ways to lose your leggy!

The problem is all inside your head, she said to me
The answer is easy if you take it logically
I'd like to help you in your struggle to be free
There must be fifty ways to lose your leggy!

Dust off your katzbalg-y, Algy
Ride a coastal defence mortar, Hortense
Squash it with a barrel, Harold
Jump in that howitzer, Henrietta
Swing that cutlass, Thomas
Polish that sabre, Barbra
Slide under that tractor, Gregor
Get yourself a gun, Lillian
Harrass that bull, Abdul
Chop it with a blade, Jade
There must be fifty ways to lose your leggy!

The problem is all inside your head, she said to me
The answer is easy if you take it logically
I'd like to help you in your struggle to be free
There must be fifty ways to lose your leggy!

Encounter a tank, Frank
Jam it in a portcullis, Lois
Swing that halberd, Bernard
Take a bad pill, Jill
Swivel that scimitar, Walter
Remove it with a sword, Ed-ward
Catch a flesh-eating virus, Cyrus
Get bitten by a moray, Salvatore
Lash it in a chain, Jane
Jump on a bomb, Tom
There must be fifty ways to lose your leggy!


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